Broken
by Holdin4Hope
Summary: AU. Brucas. What do you do when the one thing you never thought you wanted turns out to be something you may never get?
1. Chapter 1

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to check out my new fic!

This will be slightly AU, but most of what is different will be explained in the story. However, if you are confused about something, feel free to ask. And, as always, please leave a review, good or bad, and let me know what you think!

This is just an intro chapter so it doesn't give much away, I wanted it that way. I need to set up where they are coming from and what they are feeling before going into detail about everything. So, please don't get too frustrated, it will all be explained!

Thanks to Z (ariadnescurse), for reading this first and giving me some pointers.

Disclaimer- I don't own One Tree Hill or the song "Broken" by Seether featuring Amy Lee.

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_I wanted you to know_

_That I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

He'd memorized the words to that song. He knew them from the beginning. He knew them from the end. He could pick up anywhere in the song and complete the lyrics to it. Lately, that song held great meaning for him. Probably not in the way that the song writer intended for the words to be taken, but nonetheless, it's how he interpreted them. And it's exactly how he felt.

If he could hold her and take away her pain, he would. If he could make things better for her, he would. If he could make the sparkle in her eyes return, he would. If he could make the dimples in her smile come back, he would. But most importantly, if he could fix this for her, he would.

He was her husband. He was supposed to provide for her. He was supposed to protect her. He was supposed to be Man of the House. He was supposed to be there for her, to take away her pain, to comfort her, and to fix things that hurt her. Yet, he could do nothing about what was going on. It was out of his hands and it made him feel like a failure.

But this song, these words, said just how he felt. He wanted to take her away from everything and take away her pain.

"_How many moments can you look back and say that's when it all changed?"_

If you had told him nine years ago that his life would turn out the way it did, he would have told you that you were crazy. He would have laughed in your face and told you to get lost. Yet, if you asked him now if he would change any of it, he would still tell you to get lost. But only because the way it turned out has been far better than anything he could have imagined. That's not to say it hasn't been hard, but it has been worth every minute of it.

Nine years ago he met Brooke Davis in the backseat of his car. Now, anybody you ask will tell you that she was naked. But if you ask her, she'll laugh and call you silly. She will tell you she was not _totally_ naked- she had been wearing mittens afterall. He knew right then that there was something about her. That was junior year of high school. And, with the exception of a few bumps along the way, they'd been together ever since.

She was loud, he was not. He was studious, she was not. She was cheery, he was broody. He read all the time; she read when she thought no one was watching. She had built walls to guard her heart; he'd fought to get through. He'd learned Brooke Davis was definitely worth fighting for. And, once he broke through her walls, once she'd allowed herself to be vulnerable with him, that had been enough to hook him. If you were lucky enough to get to know the real Brooke Davis, then you were pretty lucky. She gave her whole heart to those that she cared about and would sacrifice anything for them. He had been honored she'd allowed him to do the same for her.

Almost five years ago, despite the crazy looks and awful accusations, they'd decided to get married. He remembered how they would laugh when they told people they were getting married. You could watch their eyes go immediately down to Brooke's stomach and then right back up to meet her eyes, hoping she hadn't noticed. Apparently, you only got married that young if the girl was pregnant. It couldn't have been because they were in love. He couldn't help but laugh at the irony of all of it.

Getting married that young hadn't been easy, but they'd gotten through it and they felt as though it made them stronger than ever. They'd both finished college and set out on bright futures together. He began teaching Literature and coaching at Tree Hill High, writing some on his own here and there. She'd taken a job in the Marketing Department at Macy's, but still found time to work on her own designs. A few months later, the topic of starting a family had begun to come up more and more. Shortly after that, Brooke had stopped taking her Birth Control, her and Lucas deciding to just see what happened.

After graduating college, Nathan and Haley had decided to join the "marriage club" and had taken the plunge. They'd been together nearly as long as he and Brooke, but Nathan had a hard time "settling down," despite the fact he and Haley had been together for many years. Then, last spring, Peyton and Jake had joined in the fun as well, deciding they were it for each other and declaring it forever with the Marriage Certificate.

In the midst of all their friends getting married is when Brooke and Lucas first started to realize something may be wrong. After a year of being off Birth Control and nothing happening, Brooke had gone to the doctor. He had told her not to worry. He'd said 

that was normal for young women that had been on the pill for years. It just needed time to get out of her system. He'd suggested they wait another six months and if nothing had changed to come and see him again.

So, she had busied herself with Peyton's wedding and tried to focus on anything else. However, it seemed the harder she tried not to think about it, the more she actually thought about it. The more she and Lucas tried to just "go with the flow" the more tense things got between them. Brooke became obsessed with what day of the month it was and how they were positioned, and Luke argued he didn't like feeling like he was on a schedule when it came to that. Needless to say, things had not been easy for them during that time.

After Peyton and Jake were married, Brooke and Lucas had taken some time for themselves. They had gone away for a long weekend hoping some time away from everything would help. And, much to their satisfaction, it had.

_The worst is over now_

_And we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_There's so much left to learn_

_And no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

But, in retrospect they'd learned life is not that simple. Quick weekends away can't fix everything. Even though that trip had been a little over a year ago, it seemed like it had been much longer ago. So much had changed since then. However, there were some things that still remained the same. His feelings about this song hadn't changed. His feelings about his wife hadn't changed. And the fact that there was nothing he could do about it hadn't changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Thanks to everyone that reviewed. I know that everyone is pretty much confused, but I promise it will all be explained. Please just bare with me. Like I said, I want to make sure I set up where they are coming from before you guys learn everything.

This chapter focuses more on Brooke and while it still doesn't explain everything, it should definitely help!

Oh, and BDavis427- you asked if Brooke and Lucas were together- of course they are! Anything else to me is ludicrous!

Please review and let me know what you think!

-Kelli

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'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open_

_And I don't feel like I'm strong enough_

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

At any given time, if you asked Brooke what day it was, she would not reply with "Saturday" or "June 21st," instead she would reply with things like "Day 14" or Day 29." Those that didn't know her would think she was crazy. They may think she was counting days of sobriety or how long she had been apart from a loved one. Oh how she wished that was why she counted days.

Those that knew Brooke knew she counted the days of her cycle. Those that knew Brooke knew her mood based on what day she responded with. If she responded with anything from Day 10 to 14, she was in good spirits, and so was Lucas. If her response was anything from 15 to 26 she was almost the 'normal' Brooke. Sparkle in her eyes, dimple in her smile, loving looks and laughs with her husband. When her response was between 27 and 31 she was off in her own world a lot. You could often look over at her and see her daydreaming. If she responded with anything after 32 she would say the number quietly, almost like she didn't want you to know, fear that saying it out loud would magically make it false. And then, when Brooke responded with anything from day 1 to 3, you knew not to bother her. You knew she was an emotional wreck and she didn't even want to be around her husband.

So, those few that knew Brooke and what she was going through knew how to respond based on what day it was. Haley and Peyton could almost know what day it was without even having to ask Brooke. Sometimes that was for the best.

If nine years ago you had told Brooke things would turn out the way they did, she would have given you her famous Brooke Davis smile and laughed you away. But, unlike her husband, there were days when she wanted to go back and make some things turn out differently.

Now, don't misunderstand anything. Brooke Davis loved being Brooke Scott and she loved Lucas more than she could have ever imagined. After everything they went through in high school, many questioned how she could still love Lucas, much less marry him. If you ever asked her why, she would simply tell you that's how she knew it was real. She knew if he could put her through everything he did and she still love him, she knew she always would. And that's the kind of love she wanted to spend forever with.

So, when he'd proposed she had been ecstatic. They'd discussed waiting until after college like everyone so subtlety suggested to them when they announced their engagement. But to them, not finishing college was never an option. They always knew they would, neither would accept less from the other. So to them, what did it matter if they went ahead and married now versus dragging out a long engagement?

They'd married in the fall on a beautifully warm day on the beach in the exact spot they had started over in high school. It had been the night of the winter formal and he'd simply asked her if the beach next to her was taken. They had started down the road back to one another that night and it only seemed appropriate that they start down their road of marriage in that same spot.

Her dress had been perfect for her, a strapless dress that fit tight through her hips showing off her curves and then flowing down her legs ending in a short train. She had worn her hair down in loose curls, that being Lucas' favorite. Her bridesmaids, Peyton and Haley, had worn red. That was the only thing Lucas had requested. Red was their color and since she had to wear white, he wanted red somewhere at their wedding. Of course, her bouquet had been full of red as well.

The wedding had been perfect for them. The next two years spent finishing college hadn't been easy. But yes, even to Brooke, they had been worth it. She and Lucas had come out even closer than ever and she loved him more now than the day she married him- if that was even possible. But that still didn't mean she didn't wish their current situation was different.

Brooke had adjusted to married life much better than anyone would have ever expected, even learning how to cook some of Lucas' favorites with the help of Karen. She'd managed to settle into what she considered "wifely duties" and still have time for herself. She loved the life that she and Lucas had made, and she loved the family that they were. The way that Karen had welcomed her into the closeness that she and Lucas had shared left Brooke in awe. She'd never been a part of a family like that and now she can't imagine life without it.

So after they finished college and they settled into the reality of the working world, Brooke had begun to think about things she never believed she would want. Brooke Davis, Brooke Scott, was ready to start a family. Brooke Scott wanted to have babies with her husband. She was ready for there to be more to the family than her and Lucas. Children were something Brooke had never really thought much of before becoming a part of Lucas' family, but she slowly became consumed by it.

She'd gone off the pill, knowing it would take time to get out her system. She and Lucas enjoyed all the "practicing" they did, and for months they enjoyed just being careless. She'd been distracted by Nathan and Haley's wedding and all the changes going on around her, she rarely even thought about them "trying for a baby." They were both just content to let nature take it's course.

After realizing she'd been off the pill for a year with no pregnancy, she went to the doctor. It hadn't made her feel all that better when he'd simply blown her off and told her that was common. But her doctor didn't seem worried, so why should she? He'd given her some tips and things to watch and try and wished her luck.

The next distraction had come in the form of Peyton and Jake's wedding. Only, this time it was not so easy to push out of her mind. Things between her and Lucas became more and more stressed. Brooke became obsessed with ovulation kits and what day of her cycle it was and how long she lay there afterwards. Seeing Brooke act like this had certainly taken its toll on Lucas. He would shout at her saying that sex wasn't a chore and couldn't be scheduled like this.

After Peyton and Jake's wedding, they'd gone away. It had been greatly needed for both of them, and they both loved every minute of it. Oh how she wanted to go back to that time. The time before she knew something was wrong. The time when she could pretend she didn't have a care in the world. The time when she could stop worrying about what day it was and if she remembered to take her medicine.

It was the doctor visit accompanied by the phone call that came two weeks later that had changed everything. Only it hadn't been an abrupt change. It had happened over time. Over the last eleven months to be exact. Brooke didn't know what was worse, knowing there was something wrong and thinking you knew how to fix it, or just not knowing there was a problem at all.

She was starting to think she would rather not know there was a problem at all. At least if that was the case, she could be happier for everyone around her and not feel like she had to hide how she really felt. Brooke had once again perfected fake smiles and generic "I'm great" answers for everyone around her.

Or, at least almost everyone. The one boy she had allowed to break the walls around her heart down could see right through her. He could see through her smile, he could see through her answers, and see through her eyes. And the one boy she had always wanted to save her couldn't save her from this.


End file.
